Soul Searching
by Pumpkinbelly
Summary: She wasn’t sure they day she fell in love with him but she was sure that she still loved him. The problem is that Spike doesn’t think he’s good enough for Willow so he goes to do a little soul searching.
1. He's Gone

Soul Searching 

Author: Pumpkin Belly 

Ship: Willow/Spike 

Summary: She wasn't sure they day she fell in love with him but she was sure that she still loved him. The problem is that Spike doesn't think he's good enough for Willow so he goes to do a little soul searching.

A/N: Set in season 4 Oz broke up with Willow for another women. Spike has his chip in his head, but doesn't resent it as much. 

_Drip drip_

The rain was slowly beginning to fall outside. From inside Willow stared out the window into the rain. It had been raining the night he had saved her.

Flashback

_Willow had been wondering through the cemetery. Tears poured down her cheeks. Oz had left her for another women. She had loved him, given herself to him, and what did he do go and leave her for another women. She didn't think the pain would end. That is how she had come to be in the cemetery, to lost in her own thoughts to realize where she was going until she got there, with no weapon. _

_She continued to wonder on when 2 vampires attacked her. They were on her before she knew what happened. As the rain slowly started to fall she tried to run only to slip on the already wet grass. Willow was certain she was dead. _

_Then the 2 vampires where thrown off her. She slowly sat up and looked around. There he was battling the vampires. In a matter of minutes they were both dust. _

_"That's not like you, luv, to be caught without a weapon late at night in Sunnydale" Spike turned to face her. _

_Willow began to get up only to fall and sustain yet another bruise. Spike walked over to her and gently helped her up._

_"You really don't look to good" he said looking her up and down, "We better get you taken care of." Spike lead Willow to his crypt. _

_Once Spike and Willow got to his crypt he cleaned up her wounds and put her into his bed. Spike made to go upstairs to sleep on the couch only to be called back by Willow. _

_"Where are you going?" Willow called out to Spike._

_"I was going to go up to the couch to get some sleep."_

_"You don't have to. I mean you can sleep down here." Willow said tentatively._

_"I promise to play nice, luv" Spike responded as he pushed back the covers and climbed into bed. _

_End flashback_

They had become quick friends after that. Willow was broken hearted because of Oz cheating and then leaving her. Spike was upset because of the chip in his head. They comforted each other.

There were numerous times when Willow reassured Spike that he was still the big bad. When Willow came to Spike crying because she had seen Oz or because she felt that she was unattractive. Each time Spike would tell Willow that Oz wasn't worth of her and that she was beautiful. Then they would curl up and watch movies or TV and fall asleep together.

Willow wasn't sure when exactly it was that she fell in love with Spike but she was sure that she was still in love with him. He was gone now, though, and she wasn't sure if he was ever coming back.

Spike had left earlier that day. He hadn't even said goodbye. There was a note attached to the door of the crypt when Willow went to see Spike.

Willow-

I'm so sorry I have to tell you this, this way but I if I told you in person I know that I would never leave. I need to go away for a while. I love you so much. This is the only way for me to feel that I'm worthy of you. I need to go soul searching. I will always be thinking of you and don't ever doubt that I love you, I do, and this is just something I need to do. I don't know when I'll be back but I hope that it'll be soon. Don't forget me.

I love you,

William

Rereading the note still brought Willow to tears. As she continued to start into the rain she remembered all the love they had shared. She didn't think they would ever be unhappy. Of course that was a silly thought, but Willow loved the dream. It was apparent that they were not happy now.

Willow shut the window and crawled into her bed. From behind a tree Spike stepped out and stared up into the window. He could still make out Willow's form climbing into her bed. He was soaking wet but being able to see his Willow before he went off made it a little easier.

"Goodbye Willow, I'll be back for you some day soon" he whispered into the wind.

Slowly turning Spike got into his car and drove away with thoughts of his red haired goddess going through his head.

TBC????

A/N: I could really use some feedback on this even if you don't like it I would really like to know what you think.


	2. The Next Morning

Soul Searching

Author: Pumpkin Belly

A/N: I noticed that the format on the last chapter was a little off. I hope this one will be better.

Chapter 2: The Next Morning

The next morning Willow dragged herself out of bed and got ready half-heartedly.  She knew that she wasn't going to see Spike today no matter where she went, but she clung to a little hope that he would still be in Sunnydale.  

On her way to the Magic Box she stopped by his crypt.  Once again she found it empty.  Pushing back her tears she continued on her way.

"Hey Wills" Xander said once she arrived at the store.  

"Hey guys, what's up" She responded trying to sound happy.

"Oh you know a new monster that wants me gone." Buffy said going back to the book she was looking at. 

"Ah, I think I found it." Giles said moving towards Buffy to show her the picture.  

"Yup, that's my new friend." Buffy said taking the book from Giles, "He doesn't seem that bad but maybe we should get Spike to help out." She added turning towards Willow.

"Spikes gone," Willow said once again fighting back tears but losing, "I found a note attached to his crypt's door yesterday."

"Oh, Willow I'm so sorry." Buffy moved to comfort Willow.  Willow leaned into her embrace, "How about tonight we have girl night.  I think I know where this guy is," she said glancing at the open book, "and after I kick his ass we can watch movies and pig out on ice-cream."

Willow nodded into Buffy's shoulder and mumbled something that sound like yes.  Buffy continued to rub Willow's back until her sobs quieted down.  

Willow didn't remember how she had gotten home after they're meeting at the Magic Box but she was safe and sound waiting for Buffy to return with movies and sweets.  

She pulled out her calendar to check what times her classes were the next day.  Lucky for her they were all in the afternoon.  She noticed that she had circled no days indicating her "friend's visit" for the past 2 months.  She thought back wondering if she just forgotten to circle the days.  She realized that the calendar was true.  There was a good chance that she was pregnant.    

TBC

A/N: Thanks to Karmawiccan for reviewing. That review basically made this chapter happen. You'll have to wait and see for the ending. Sorry if it wasn't that good but I wanted to get another chapter out there. The next one will be better, hopefully. 


	3. He'll be Back

Soul Searching

Author: Pumpkin Belly

Previously: Spike leaves Willow to go find himself but Willow discovers that she may be pregnant.

He'll be back

"Hello?" Buffy said answering her cell phone.

"Hey, Buffy. It's Willow." The voice on the other end of the phone said.

"Hey Wills. I just finished off that demon so I was going to go to the store. Do you need anything?" Buffy asked walking towards the convenience store.

"Umm, yeah I do. That's why I called actually." Willow said nervously.

"What do you need?" Buffy asked.

"Apregnancytest." Willow said quickly.

"A what?" Buffy asked, straining to hear.

"A pregnancy test." Willow repeated more slowly.

"I'm sorry the reception is so bad on this phone. It sounded like you said pregnancy test." Buffy laughed.

"I did." Willow said softly.

"Oh, sure I can pick that up for you." Buffy said, taken back, "I'll be at the dorm in about a half hour."

"Thanks Buffy." Willow said.

"No problem." Buffy said ending the call.

At the dorm 

"Ok, that's done. Everything is going to be ok. Maybe its just stress. I don't have to be pregnant." Willow mussed out loud.

"Knock, knock." Buffy said coming into the dorm carrying 2 bags, "I got lots of snacky goodness and movies."

"Did you get," Willow started but Buffy interrupted her.

"I got it." She said reaching into the bag, "Here you go." She said handing Willow the test kit.

"Maybe I should do this first." Willow suggested.

"Yeah." Buffy agreed.

"Ok so lets see, if it shows up with a plus that means I am pregnant. Is it is a minus I'm not pregnant." Willow explained before going into the bathroom.

"Do we want this to be positive or negative?" Buffy called through the door.

"Negative." Willow said emerging from the bathroom.

"How long do we have to wait?" Buffy asked.

"Umm," Willow said looking at the box, "5 minutes."

5 Minutes later 

"OK, here we go." Willow said reaching for the stick, "Buffy I can't do this."

"Do you want me to check?" Buffy asked.

"Please?" Willow said.

"OK, it's a plus sign." Buffy said, "That means you are pregnant, right?"

"Yeah. That means that I am pregnant." Willow said, "Oh god I'm pregnant. This can't be happening. How could I be pregnant?" She said looking up at Buffy from her spot at the edge of the bed.

"I know you loved Spike but maybe you slept with someone else and if you did that's ok." Buffy said.

"But I didn't, Buffy. I was only with Spike." Willow said, "I thought Angel said that vampires couldn't have kids?"

"He did." Buffy said, "Maybe it's a prophecy?" Buffy added.

"Ah, what am I going to do? My parents will probably disown me if they even come home long enough to see me. How am I going to finish school? I won't be able to do that with a baby." Willow said crying.

"We'll all help. I'm sure Giles will baby-sit for you and Xander or Anya. And I will when I don't have classes or slaying." Buffy said trying to comfort Willow.

"What if this is why Spike left? What if he knew that I was pregnant and left because of it?" Willow said, crying harder.

"I'm sure Spike didn't leave because he knew you were pregnant. He isn't that kind of guy, Wills." Buffy said hugging Willow.

"You're right. He wouldn't do that." Willow said her tears starting to slow.

"You should probably call a doctor. Just to make sure that everything is ok, you know?" Buffy suggested.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll call tomorrow morning. I don't have any classes then." Willow said nodding.

"We should also call Giles and tell him what's going on and Xander." Buffy added.

"Will you call Giles? I don't think I can." Willow asked.

"Sure, he might be able to figure out how this happened." Buffy said moving towards the phone.

"Wait, Buffy. Can we watch the movies first? I just don't want to have to deal with that now." Willow pleaded.

"Of course we can." Buffy said comforting Willow. "Ok now we have,"

As Buffy listed the movies that she had picked up Willow thought of Spike. The note he had left didn't seem to say that he knew about the baby. He also said that he would be back as soon as possible. Maybe she wouldn't have to do this alone. Spike would be back soon. Reassured by that thought Willow turned towards the TV were Buffy was putting in the first movie.

A/N: OK, wow it's been a long time for this story. I started it but then I didn't know what else to do with it, you all know how that is. But now it is back. Hopefully I won't be abandoning it anytime soon. I already have the next chapter planned out. That should be coming soon. Please review and tell me what you think.


	4. There’s Always a Prophecy

Soul Searching

Author: Pumpkin Belly

Previously: Spike left Willow to go find himself. Willow finds out that she is pregnant with Spike's baby.

There's Always a Prophecy

Ring, Ring 

"Oh, I'll get it." Buffy announced pausing the movie Willow and her had been watching.

"Thanks Buffy." Willow said.

"No problem." Buffy said to Willow before picking up the phone, "Hello?"

"Buffy? Hello it's Giles. Is Willow there with you?" A very flustered Giles asked on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah, she's right here. Why?" Buffy asked cautiously.

"Good, good. I think it would be very helpful if you two come over right now. Xander and Anya are already on their way." Giles said hanging up the phone before Buffy had a chance to protest.

"That was weird." Buffy said placing the phone back on the cradle. "I'm sorry Wills but I think we have to go to Giles' place, like now." Buffy told Willow.

"Why? What's wrong?" Willow asked, shutting the movie off.

"I don't know." Buffy said opening the door.

"Do you think it has something to do with, with you know, me being pregnant?" Willow stuttered.

"I didn't tell him about it yet. I think you should tell everyone though at Giles." Buffy said.

"Yeah, I probably should do that." Willow said.

The rest of the trip to Giles' was made in silence. Willow was lost in her thoughts of how she was going to tell the gang she was pregnant and Buffy was trying to determine why Giles wouldn't tell her what was wrong.

"Good, You're here." Giles said when Buffy and Willow walked in.

"You did call and tell us to come with the cryptic message and all." Buffy said flopping onto the couch.

"Yes well, I was looking through some of my books and I found a disturbing prophecy." Giles said. Willow's eyes widened, "About Willow." Giles finished.

"About me?" Willow squeaked.

"Yes," Giles paused, "You haven't had umm, well I know you were with Spike for awhile but you didn't, not that it would be bad you are a grown women, but." Giles stuttered.

"He's asking if you and Spike had sex." Anya stepped in.

"Well, yes." Giles breathed a sigh of relief.

Willow and Buffy stole a look. 'It is about the baby.' Willow thought her breath caught in her throat.

"Actually, Giles, me and Spike were involved, physically." Willow said in an almost whisper.

"I bet he was really good in bed, I've heard the vampires could." Anya started to say to Xander.

"Anya, not now." Xander said.

"Everyone I'm pregnant." Announced Willow over Xander and Anya.

"Your what!?" Xander shouted.

"Pregnant. I just found out today. I was going to tell everyone tomorrow I just needed some time to think about it, but now you all know." Willow said.

"I thought vampires couldn't have children." Anya mussed.

"They can't, really, but there's a prophecy about a vampire who switched from dark to light having a child with a human. At first I assumed it was Angel but lately I'd been doubting that. Tonight I went back and looked at the prophecy and it was clear that it was not Angel. Now that Willow's pregnant it seems even clearer." Giles said rubbing his glasses.

"Is the baby bad? Is it going to be human? Is it evil?" Willow asked.

"It isn't clear whether the baby will be good or evil. It will be human and will play a part in a major apocalypse." Giles explained.

"My baby could be evil?" Willow asked, moving to sit in the nearest chair, hand on her belly.

"That is a possibility." Giles said gently.

"It doesn't feel evil." Willow whispered, tears chocking her words.

"It may not be evil. Chances are that it won't be." Buffy said comforting Willow.

"Should I get rid of the it?" Willow asked the group, "If it could be evil and could bring around the end of the world I should get rid of it right." Her voice sounded hollow.

"You shouldn't do anything you don't want to do Will." Xander said.

"Since the baby was prophesied to be born chances are that there is a protection of some sort surrounding it. Even if you wanted to get rid of it you couldn't." Giles said.

"Willow, don't do anything you don't want to do just because there are a lot of what if's floating around." Buffy said.

"It doesn't feel evil, Buffy, it doesn't feel evil." Willow cried into Buffy's shoulder, "It doesn't feel evil."

TBC

A/N: I got the next chapter up just like I said I would. Aren't you all proud? I go back to school on Thursday unless the teachers strike so the updates might be coming slower. Please Review.


	5. Own His Way

Soul Searching

Author: Pumpkin Belly

Previously: Willow finds out she's pregnant with Spike's baby because of a prophecy that says the baby will play a important part in an apocalypse. Good or bad? Nobody knows.

Own his way

It burned. Deep inside of him he could feel it burn. He could hear the voices of people from his past, chiding him, insulting him, doing anything to cause him pain.

"Stupid demon." Spike mumbled out loud as he continued on his way, "Came to him looking for peace, traveled half way around the world because he promised me peace but no all I got was more pain."

He pushed the voices into the back of his mind, trying his best to ignore them.

A Few months earlier

"Why are you here vampire?" the guard in front of the door asked.

"I came to see old Johnnie boy." Spike said to the guard trying his best not to laugh. When he had been told the demon's name was John he had burst out laughing. He'd seen pictures of this guy; he didn't look like a John.

"You will demonstrate respect when you speak of the master." The guard said taking a menacing step towards Spike.

"Ah, right, mate. Sorry." Spike was by no means scared but he needed to get in to see the demon and pissing off the guard was probably not the way to do that.

The guard looked at him with a questionable eye, trying to determine if Spike was being sincere enough for him. After a minute he stepped aside, "You may enter."

Spike glanced at the guard, wondering if he was going to surprise him with an attack, but the guard already was busy with another man.

"I know what you seek vampire." The demon said to Spike in a booming voice, announcing his presence. There was one room in the small hut and that room was dark and dank and resembled an underground cave even though they weren't underground.

"Good, I know what I seek also." Spike said his eyes adjusting to the darkness.

"I'm not sure you do." The demon said his voice had changed from its original booming tone to a tone of a normal male.

"What's with the voice change John?" Spike asked trying to pinpoint John's position in the room.

"Oh, you know I can use the big scary voice, or I can talk like I normally do." John said stepping out of the shadows. Apart from his name and speaking voice there was nothing human about him.

"You normally talk like that?" Spike said raising an eyebrow.

"My mother was human, impregnated with demon spawn or what not." John said moving his clawed hand and rolling his eyes to emphasize his point, "But you're not here to talk about that." John said putting a bumpy arm around Spike leading him to a chair, "You're here because you heard that I could help you become all that you can be."

"Uh, right." Spike said.

"I've gathered that this is because of a girl." John said.

"Yeah, it's just that" Spike began to explain his problem.

"I already know about her. Wonderful girl." John cut Spike off.

"You know about Willow?" Spike asked, taken back.

"Of course I do. I didn't get this job just because I can do the big scary voice. I am good at what I do. I think I can help you, but first you have to realize what you want." John said taking a seat in a chair that appeared out of thin air.

"I know what I want. I want to make myself good enough for Willow." Spike announced.

"No, what you want is peace. You already are good enough for her. You just need to feel like you are. I know how to fix that." John said, tapping one of his clawed hands on the edge of the chair, "I'm not sure you're ready to hear it yet." John confessed.

"How long am I going to have to wait to find out?" Spike asked he felt like he'd spent enough time away from Willow already. It had taken him 2 months just to find this guy.

"That is up to how willing to work you are. We are going to have to do some exercises for you to get in touch with your inner self. So that you can find inner peace." John said.

"I'm a vampire. I'm not supposed to have inner peace." Spike shot back at the demon.

"Everyone deserves inner peace." John said, "Even demons. I have found inner peace." John mumbled a few words that even Spike, with his advanced vampire hearing couldn't hear. Then Spike felt immense pain.

"Ahh! What did you do to me?" Spike yelled.

"I started you on your quest for peace. The first step was to give you back your soul." John said.

"My soul." Spike gasped.

"Yup, the physical pain should go away in a few hours." John said, "Your welcome to lay down." He said waving his hand making a bed appear next to Spike, "the emotional pain will take longer. That is the second step. Getting past your past." John told Spike.

And it had taken awhile. The emotional scaring of his soul was deep. At least that's what John had told him as he guided him on his path. It had taken awhile but finally John had announced that he had done all he could do and sent a much more peaceful Spike on his way.

"I'm almost home Willow," Spike, whispered into the wind.

TBC

A/N: Spike and Willow confrontation in the next chapter!! Although don't know if I'll be able to get that up until the weekend. PLEASE REVIEW. It'll make the chapter come faster.


	6. Pickles, Ice Cream, and Spike

Soul Searching

Author: Pumpkin Belly

Previously: Willow finds out she's pregnant with Spike's baby that was all prophesized. Spike got his soul back because of a demon and he is now on his way back to Sunnydale.

A/N: It's been about 6 months since There's Always a Prophecy. So that means that Willow is about 8 months pregnant now.

Pickles, Ice Cream, and Spike

"Ice cream, check, pickles, check," Buffy mumbled coming out of the store looking at the list Willow had given her, "Uff." Buffy groaned as she walked into someone, "I am so sorry. Wasn't watching were I was going." Buffy trailed off as she looked up at the man she had just walked into.

"Spike?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, it's me." Spike said, picking up the bag Buffy had dropped, "Pickles and ice cream?" Spike asked, "2 very different items here."

"Well, yes I guess they are." Buffy said not being able to come up with an excuse for the items. When Willow had told her what to pick up at the store after patrol Buffy had been surprised that it hadn't been something weirder. Willow had asked for some pretty odd things in the past, pickles and ice cream were some of the tamer items.

"So how's Willow?" Spike asked as he handed the bag back to Buffy.

"She's good," Buffy said waging a silent war in her head on wither she should tell Spike about Willow's pregnancy or not. Telling him won out.

"There's something you should know Spike." Buffy stated leading them over to a nearby bench. "This is going to come as a shock but please don't over react. Just hear me out." Buffy said.

"OK." Spike said cautiously.

"Willow's pregnant." Buffy paused waiting for Spike's response.

"Pregnant?" He asked bewildered.

"Yeah, 8 months actually." Buffy said.

"I left 6 months ago." Spike said to himself more than Buffy.

"I know, but" Buffy started but Spike cut her off.

"She cheated on me." Spike whispered, "She cheated on me." He said louder.

"No Spike she didn't. She would never do that. It's your baby." Buffy said, trying to calm Spike down.

"I can't have children, Buffy!" He yelled startling an older man who was coming out of the all night convenience store. "I'm dead." He said quieter.

"Well, you are having a child. It has something to do with a prophecy." Buffy said, "I should probably let Willow explain everything. I just didn't want you to be shocked and jump to **conclusions** and mess everything up when you saw her." She explained.

"Can I see her now?" Spike asked allowing all the new information to sink in.

"Yeah, sure. I'm sure she'll be very happy to see you." Buffy said standing up.

As they entered the dorm building Buffy turned to Spike, "Don't say anything about how big she is." Buffy instructed, "If she starts crying when she sees you just let her. If you tell her to stop she just cries harder. She might slap or hit you also. It just depends on what kind of mood she's in."

When she saw the scared look on Spike's she reassured him, "Although she probably won't do anything like that." She added with a nervous smile.

"Hey Wills," Buffy called as she opened the dorm room door, "I got a surprise for you."

"The pickles and ice cream?" Willow asked excitedly, getting off the couch, with some trouble considering her big stomach. Buffy winced as she watched Willow stand.

"Yup, and something else." Buffy said, motioning Spike to enter the room.

"Hey baby." Spike said stepping in.

"Spike?" Willow gasped.

TBC

A/N: Ok probably not the Willow and Spike action you were looking for but it's late so I'm stopping there. The next chapter will have Willow and Spike interaction and should be up Monday. 3-DAY WEEKEND. Please review.


	7. You're the Daddy

Soul Searching

Author: Pumpkin Belly

Previously: Willow is now 8 months pregnant.

You're the Daddy

"Yup, and something else." Buffy said, motioning Spike to enter the room.

"Hey baby." Spike said stepping in.

"Spike?" Willow gasped.

"Yeah, luv, it's me." Spike said cautiously, remembering that Buffy said Willow could react in a number of ways.

"It's really you?" Willow asked walking over to Spike.

"It's really me." Spike affirmed.

Buffy seeing that Willow wasn't going to attack Spike or go into a fit of hysteria decided it was time to go.

"Ok, Wills." Buffy said, "I have to go patrol, but I put the food away so you don't have to worry about that."

"Thanks Buffy." Willow said, her eyes never leaving Spike.

"Bye." Buffy added walking out the door.

"Spike I missed you so much." Willow said eyes filling with tears.

"I missed you too, pet." Spike said wrapping his arms around Willow, or as far as they would go considering her advanced stage in pregnancy.

"I knew you'd come back." Willow sniffed, the tears now making there way down her face, "You didn't leave because of the baby, right?" She asked startled.

"No, no, I didn't even know about the baby until Buffy explained it to me." Spike assured her.

"Buffy told you about the baby?" Willow asked pulling out of Spike's arms and moving towards her bed.

"Yeah, she didn't want me to "jump to conclusions" when I saw you." Spike said, following Willow to the bed.

"Where were you?" Willow asked.

"I went to see a demon." Spike said, his eyes cast down towards the bed.

"Why?" Willow asked.

"Because I didn't think I was good enough for you. Because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me in my 100 plus years and I was afraid I was going to lose you." Spike confessed finally looking up at Willow.

"So you left me cause you were afraid I would leave you." Willow stated.

"Well, yeah." Spike said laughing, "It made sense at the time."

"I'm sure it did." Willow said, placing her hand on top of his, "Spike, I would never leave you. I love you."

"God, I love you. I missed hearing you say that. I missed hearing you say anything." Spike said moving to kiss Willow.

"There's something different about you." Willow said when they pulled apart.

"There's something different about you too." Spike said with a smirk.

"Yeah, well mines a little more obvious then yours. Are you going to tell me what the demon did?" Willow said.

"Well the demon, John," Spike began.

"The demon's name was John?" Willow asked.

"Yeah, if you've ever seen a picture of this guy you'd know that, that's the most human thing about him." Spike smiled, "To make a long story short, John gave me back my soul and then spent a long time with me, teaching me to accept my past."

"You have you're soul?" Willow asked, shocked.

"Yeah, deep inside of me." Spike said.

"What about the chip?" Willow asked, knowing how much he hated it.

"It's still there I think." Spike said, no hint of remorse in his voice. "So is it a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know. Wanted to be surprised." Willow said, placing her hand over her stomach.

"You would." Spike said, more to himself.

"It's not the only thing that's going to be a surprise." Willow said.

"What?" Spike asked confused.

"The prophecy says that a good vampire was going to have a child with a human. The child is going to play an important role in the end of the world but we don't know for what side." Willow explained.

"Is it human?" Spike asked, hoping the answer was yes.

"It's human." Willow assured him.

"Can I," Spike asked gesturing towards her stomach.

"Of course, you are the daddy after all." Willow smiled.

'That's right,' Spike thought as he placed his hand over Willow's stomach, "I'm the daddy." Spike said out loud.

"It seems to know it too," Willow laughed as the baby kicked.

TBC  
A/N: I promised I would have it up Monday and it's Monday. You should all be very happy. Now review and tell me if you want a happy ending or a sad ending.


	8. Explain that to the Baby

Soul Searching

Author: Pumpkin Belly

A/N: So sorry about the long wait. My teachers this year seem to think that projects and homework are the funest things in the world.

Explain that to the baby

Willow woke up with Spike's arms wrapped around her. As soon as her brain remembered what had happened the night before Willow smiled. Her and Spike had spent the night talking and eventually fallen asleep. Glancing over at her clock she realized two things. One, Buffy had never come home the previous night and two she had missed her only class for the day. Groaning, Willow just hoped that Buffy had made the class and had taken notes.

Carefully untangling herself from Spike she got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. After showering and getting dressed she decided to go some schoolwork. Sitting down at the desk Willow turned on the computer cringing at the loud noise it made as it came alive.

Willow looked over her shoulder to see Spike awaken suddenly.

"I'm so sorry," Willow began, "I wanted to get a little work done for school and the computer didn't know how to be quiet and I'm sorry."

"It's ok. No worries, luv." Spike said getting out of bed.

"I'm sorry." Willow offered.

"Don't be." Spike assured Willow, bending down to kiss her, "I love you." Spike said when they broke apart.

"I love owww." Willow said doubling over.

"You love ow?" Spike asked confused.

"No," Willow said sitting back up, "I think I just had a contraction."

"What?" Spike asked, turning to stay calm.

"The baby's coming, Spike." Willow told him.

"But Buffy said that you were only 8 months and its suppose to be 9 isn't?" Spike asked, shocked and confused.

"Yeah, well explain that to the baby." Willow said.

"What do we do?" Spike asked.

"Ok, I'm going to call the doctor you try to get a hold of Buffy." Willow instructed.

"Right, call Buffy." Spike said, "Where is Buffy?"

"Try her cell phone, the numbers on the desk." Willow said already dialing the doctor.

"Buffy?" Spike asked when someone answered the phone.

"Spike? What's" Buffy began.

"Willow is having the baby." Spike interrupted.

"Are you sure? That's not supposed to happen for another month." Buffy asked.

"I know but it is." Spike said.

"Ok, well on my way to the dorm anyway. I'll be there in five minutes, at most." Buffy said hanging up.

"She's on her way, pet." Spike announced to Willow.

"Ok, good. The doctor is going to meet us at the hospital Buffy can drive us. Or at least attempt to drive us." Willow said, gasping as another contraction started.

"Are you ok, luv?" Spike asked holding Willow's hand.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Willow said once the pain subsided, "Buffy!" Willow called relived as soon as Buffy entered the room.

"I'm here." Buffy said, "What can I do?"

"I need you to drive us to the hospital." Spike said.

"No problem," Buffy said a little to confidently.

At the Hospital

"OK, Willow's all checked in and hopefully will be going into the delivery room any minute." Spike told Buffy.

"How is she?" Buffy asked.

"She's fine. A little shaken up from the car ride." Spike smirked.

"I am not that bad a driver." Buffy said.

"She wants to see you." Spike said changing the subject.

"Ok, I already called the gang and they're on their way." Buffy said stepping into Willow's room.

"How are you?" Buffy asked Willow.

"I'm so scared Buffy." Willow confessed, "What if the baby is evil? I can't kill my own child."

"You can't think that way. You won't have to." Buffy assured her.

"But," Willow started.

"NO, nothing like that is going to happen. I don't care what the prophecy says. I am saying that the baby will be all good and that's final." Buffy smiled.

"Ok," Willow laughed, "Buffy, is it ok if Spike goes into the delivery room with me. I know that you went to all the classes with me but."

"Of course he can go instead of me. Don't even worry about it." Buffy said.

"Thank you. For everything." Willow said.

"Hey, what are friends for." Buffy said, "I'll go get Spike."

"Ok thanks." Willow said.

Five minutes later Willow was being rushed into the delivery room, Spike holding her hand the whole time. The birth was a scary situation. Willow lost a lot of blood but the baby was born a health little boy.

"Can I hold him?" Willow asked tears in her eyes.

"Of course you can." The nurse said handing the baby over to Willow.

"Hey, I'm your mommy and this is your daddy." Willow said crying, "Oh you are just so beautiful."

"What do you want to name him, pet." Spike asked stroking Willow's hair.

"Aiden." Willow said after a moments thought.

"I like that." Spike said, "Hello Aiden."

"You want to hold him?" Willow asked.

"You sure, luv?" Spike asked.

"Go ahead, take him." Willow said putting Aiden in Spike's arms.

"Oh, he's a little bit aren't you?" Spike said.

"Excuse me sir but we need to take him to get checked out." The nurse said taking Aiden.

"OK." Spike said giving over his son reluctantly.

Spike watched the nurse take his baby away until he couldn't see her down the hallway anymore.

"Well that wasn't so bad now was it, pet?" Spike said still looking out into the hallway.

"Willow?" Spike asked when she didn't answer. "Oh god," he gasped.

TBC

A/N: Sorry for the wait, again. I hope things will be a little slower now that school is like a month in but you never know. I'll try to update as soon as possible. As always reviews make the chapters come quicker.


	9. All the Thing's He'll Miss

Soul Searching

Author: Pumpkin Belly

A/N: I am sorry for the long wait. I have not forgot about the story I've just been busy with everything else in my life. Ok on to the story.

All the thing's he'll miss

_"Spike, time to cut the turkey." Willow called from the kitchen._

_"Coming." Spike called back, reluctantly giving little Aiden to Buffy._

_"Smells delicious." Spike said wrapping his arms around Willow. His arms now fit all the way around her belly, which was no longer big from pregnancy._

_"Spike, you don't even eat." Willow laughed leaning into his embrace._

_"I eat," Spike, protested, "I just prefer blood to food."_

_Willow laughed again, turning around to face Spike. "I love you." She announced before reaching up to kiss him._

_"I also like to eat you." Spike growled._

_"Eww. Break it up you two." Xander gagged coming into the kitchen._

_Willow pushed away from Spike and started pulling plates out of the cabinets._

_"Xander a better greeting would have been 'Happy Thanksgiving'." Willow chided him._

_"Well if I hadn't walked in on you two getting nasty in front of the turkey." Xander replied._

_"So where's this turkey I'm suppose to be cutting?" Spike asked ignoring Xander._

_"It's in the oven," Willow said, pointing her head in the direction of the oven._

_Spike gave her a look that said I know where the oven is but didn't say anything. He strode over to the oven and pulled out the turkey, shouting from the pain of the burns he'd just received._

_"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" Spike exclaimed putting the turkey down on the center island._

_"Should have used oven mitts," Xander pointed out._

_"Thanks for that wonderful piece of advice." Spike said sarcastically._

_"Anytime." Xander said, helping himself to some of the food that was sitting on the counter._

_"Let me see, let me see." Willow said, taking hold of Spike's wrists and turning them so the palm of his hand faced her. "Ok, I think we should bandage this."_

_"Luv, I'm a vampire. I'll heal." Spike said. Willow, however, ignored him and went about bandaging his hands, "That was not necessary," Spike whined when Willow finished._

_"Yes, it was." She said placing a delicate kiss on each of his hands. "All better."_

_"I'm not a little kid, pet." Spike said._

_"Oh I know. You're a big boy." Willow said as if she was talking to a child._

_"Damn right I am." Spike said pulling Willow against him. "A very big boy." He said before claiming her lips._

_"Oh, come on guys. Can't you get a room?" Xander exclaimed._

_"Well, since this is my house," Spike explained, "All these rooms are mine. So I have gotten a room."_

_Instead of replying Xander strode out of the room yelling "My eyes, my eyes."_

_Willow laughed before going back to collecting plates and bowls._

_"Are you going to cut the turkey or should I get Giles to do it?" Willow asked._

_"I'll cut the bloody bird. Don't need the librarian to take my job just cause the bloody oven burnt my hands." Spike muttered as he took a knife and started cutting the turkey._

_"Thank you." Willow said before walking out of the kitchen to the dinning room._

"Oh god." Spike gasped, "No, no, no. Pet waked up. Red please wake up. I can't lose you. I just found you again." Panic rose in Spike's voice when Willow didn't stir. "Somebody help." He yelled from inside Willow's hospital room.

"Sir, move out of the way." A nurse said moving Spike away from Willow's bedside.

Spike felt numb. He slowly sat down in a chair in the corner of the room. He watched as the doctors rushed into Willow's room and began to work on her. Trying to determine the problem. Spike blocked out all the noise they were making. He concentrated on Willow's slowing heartbeat. He was going to lose her. He couldn't raise a baby all by himself. He needed Willow. He loved her.

The doctors wheeled Willow into the operating room as Spike sat in the corner, silently. He thought about all the things he would miss out on. And then he thought about his son and how Aiden would never know his mother. And he cried.

TBC

A/N: A little holiday treat. I'm hoping to have the next chapter out before next week. I'll have more time to write because of the holiday and the lack of school. As always reviews give me inspiration. PLEASE REVIEW. Happy Thanksgiving.


	10. Glimmer of Hope

Soul Searching

Author: Pumpkin Belly

Glimmer of Hope

That's how they found Spike. Sitting silently in the corner of the dark hospital room. The only sound was the quiet sobs that he was making every once in awhile. Buffy and Xander walked into the room slowly as not to startle Spike.

"Oh god." Xander gasped. Spike looked broken. His hands were wrapped around his knees, which he held close to his chest. Tear streaks ran down his face, more making there way from his red eyes.

"Spike?" Buffy called moving closer to the vampire. When he didn't respond she tried again, "Spike?" This time she lightly touched his arm.

"Buffy, I don't think" Xander started to say but Spike interrupted.

"It's my fault." Spike announced to the room.

"You can't really believe that." Buffy said.

"Why not? I did that to her. I got her pregnant. I probably put to much stress on her too by leaving or coming back which caused the baby to come early." Spike said, glancing at Buffy.

"The baby came when it was ready, you didn't do anything to cause it to come early." Xander called from behind Buffy who was crouched down next to Spike.

"I shouldn't have come back." Spike said.

"Don't ever say that." Buffy said squeezing his arm lightly, "Willow was the happiest I've seen her since you left. She loves you more than anything."

"Really?" Spike asked hope glimmered in his eyes.

"Really." Buffy said giving him a small smile.

"But that doesn't matter now does it? She may not even be alive now." Spike said the hope disappeared from his eyes.

"She's out of surgery Spike." Buffy said.

"What?" Spike asked shock in his voice.

"That's what we came to tell you." Xander said, "She's alive, unconscious at the moment, but alive."

"The doctors said she lost a lot of blood but they were able to stabilize her and stop the bleeding and she should be ok." Buffy said, smiling.

"She's alive?" Spike asked.

"She's alive, the doctors are pretty sure that she'll be ok. No brain damage. No coma." Buffy smiled.

"Can I see her?" Spike asked standing up.

"Yeah, yeah." Buffy said getting up with Spike to take him to Willow.

Willow's Hospital Room

Buffy left Spike at the door. He pushed open the door to Willow's room trying to be quiet.

"Hey pet." Spike said walking over to Willow's side, "gave us quite a scare there." He said picking up her hand, entwining his fingers with hers. Spike gently lifted her hand to his mouth placing a light kiss on her knuckles.

"Spike?" Willow breathed.

"I'm here baby." Spike said squeezing her fingers a little tighter, "I'm here."

Willow opened her eyes, smiling when they landed on Spike. "Hi." She said.

"Hi," Spike laughed, "I thought I was going to lose you. Oh god, I can't raise a baby all by myself."

"You won't have to." Willow said.

"Don't ever do that to me again." He smiled.

"Promise." Willow laughed. Spike bent down and captured her lips with his.

"I love you." He breathed leaning his forehead against hers.

"I love you." Willow said.

"I had this vision." Spike said, "Well I guess it could be a dream really."

"Oh yeah? Of what?" Willow asked.

"You and me and Aiden. Together. It was Thanksgiving and you were making dinner. It was in our house. We had a house." Spike explained, "And I went to get the turkey out of the oven and burnt my hands. Then you bandaged them even though I told you not to. Then we caused Xander to run out of the room."

"That sounds nice." Willow smiled, closing her eyes picturing the scene Spike had just described.

"I think so too." Spike whispered, "You're so beautiful."

"Oh yeah. I've just had a baby and been through surgery, I'm sure I look like a princess." Willow said sarcastically.

"You do though, look like a princess." Spike reassured her.

"Thank you." Willow said.

"Will you marry me?" Spike asked.

"What?" Willow gasped.

Spike bent down on one knee, taking Willow's hand in his, "Will you marry me?" He repeated, "I don't have a ring to give you right now but I love you Willow. You've had my baby and I want to make that dream come true. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?"

"Spike, I don't know what to say." Willow gasped.

"You could say yes." Spike suggested.

"No." Willow whispered.

TBC!!!!

A/n: See I got the next part out just like I said I would. Please review and let me know what you think!

Oh I couldn't do that to you guys.

"No?" Spike asked.

"What?" Willow gasped, "Oh god I mean yes. Of course I'll marry you."

"Thank god." Spike said, "As soon as you get out of here I'll get you a ring."

"I don't need a ring, Spike. I just need you." Willow said, pulling Spike into a kiss.

From outside the door Buffy released a breath she didn't relieve she'd been holding. "YES!" She yelled.

Willow broke away from Spike, "Buffy?" She called.

"Sorry," Buffy said opening the door, "I couldn't help over hearing and… Oh I'm so happy for you," Buffy squealed running over to Willow.

Now give me lots of reviews for being nice and not ending in a cliffhanger.


	11. Which One's Yours?

Soul Searching

Author: Pumpkin Belly

A/N: I'm still alive. I know I haven't updated this story in awhile but things have been busy and then I couldn't figure out where I wanted to go with the story and once I did I didn't have time to right it. But here is the next chapter. Hope you all enjoy it.

Which One's Yours?

Spike stood in front of the window staring at his little boy. "Aiden" Spike whispered.

"Which one's yours?" The women beside him asked, leaning towards him.

"Oh," Spike said taking notice of her, "That one right there." Spike said pointing towards one of the babies in the room.

"Awe, he's beautiful." The women said.

"Yeah." Spike agreed, looking back at the baby, "Which one is yours?" He asked in return.

"She's right there." The women said pointing towards a baby girl towards the other side of the room, "I'm the aunt." The women said proudly, "So are you the uncle?" The women prompted.

"Father." Spike corrected.

"Oh." The women said slightly dejected. She started to say something else but Spike's attention was drawn back to the room in front of him where Aiden had started crying.

"What's wrong?" Spike asked to no one in particular. A nurse came in and took Aiden out of the room. "Where's he's going?"

"They're probably just taking him to his mother. Time for dinner maybe." The women smiled at Spike as she watched him walk down the hallway back to the mother's room she suspected. She watched him until Spike has disappeared down the hall and gave an evil smile.

Buffy sat next to Willow's bed talking to her quietly when the nurse brought Aiden in.

"I think someone is hungry." The nurse said giving Aiden to Willow. Willow looked at the nurse questioningly.

"How do you know?" Willow asked.

"He's only cried to have this diaper changed and when he's hungry. And I checked and his diaper doesn't need to be changed." The nurse said walking out of the room.

"Oh Wills he's so beautiful." Buffy gasped. She hadn't gotten a chance to see the baby this close yet.

"He is, isn't he?" Willow said being to feed the baby.

"Is everything ok?" Spike asked coming into the hospital room.

"Everything's fine." Buffy said, and then quickly asked, "Why? Did something happen?" Her body tensed.

"No, nothing happen." Spike assured Buffy causing her to relax, "I was just looking at the bit and then he started crying and they took him away."

"He was just hungry." She said to Spike, "Isn't that right little boy?" Willow asked Aiden who looked ready to fall asleep. He gave a little yawn causing Willow and Buffy to both "awe" at him. Spike stood to the opposite side of Willow, out of the way of the sunlight, and watched as his child fell asleep.

His child it still felt weird and wonderful to think or say. Spike gently stroked Aiden's head. Willow smiled as she watched Spike watching their child. She still couldn't believe that this was happening.

"I love you." Willow said.

"I love you too pet." Spike said leaning down to kiss her. Before standing up again Spike placed a gentle kiss to Aiden's head, who had begun to snore almost silently.

Spike held Willow's hand while she slept. The nurse had come and taken Aiden back to the nursery shortly after he had fallen asleep.

"Spike," Buffy called softly opening the hospital room door. Spike placed a kiss onto Willow's forehead before getting up and following Buffy into the hallway.

"What's wrong?" Spike asked after closing the door.

"Nothing, really." Buffy began, "Giles and Xander went back to Giles' place to do some research. Giles was thinking now that we know some more about Aiden, like that he is a he maybe we might be able to find something more about the prophecy."

"That seems like a good idea." Spike nodded in agreement.

"We were also thinking that maybe you could go to some of the demon bars and see if anyone has heard anything about Aiden or, or you know a new big bad looking for a baby." Buffy said nervously.

"Last time I was in town I wasn't the most popular vampire." Spike told her.

"You haven't been in town in a while and most of the talk about you helping us has died down." Buffy informed Spike.

"I'll try to find out anything I can, but someone has to be with Willow while I'm not here." Spike said.

"Since the suns still out I was going to go help Xander and Giles and once the sun goes down maybe you can go." Buffy suggested.

"He's not evil Buffy." Spike said.

"I know he's not." Buffy assured Spike.

"He can't be." Spike whispered more to himself than anyone else before turning back into Willow's room.

A/N: Again I am sorry for the long wait. I'm hoping that I will have more time to update this story. Reviews will make the chapters come faster hint hint .


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